The other day I neglected to decline an invitation to do a business-y thing.
I had it in my head that I'd politely decline, knowing I'd like to focus on other things next quarter. By the time I noticed, they'd already signed me up for said thing and the ball was rolling with what I thought was a "soft commitment".
My initial reaction was regret. Regret for not saying no faster. Then, I decided to sit with my slow reaction another day. I knew I could still decline if I really wanted to. If I decided to stick with the "soft commitment", why? Why would I choose to stick with it? I dug deep.
I've done a lot of work to catch myself when I think I'm people pleasing. I know I'm doing it when it feels icky - regretful, resentful, just bad.
When I dig deep, I know why I'm doing it. I really just want people to like me, or to fit in.
We tend to people please when we care more about what people think than we care about taking care of ourselves in the moment. We people please because of what we're told about how we "should" be towards others.
You think that when you're pleasing people you'll have better relationships, but ultimately people stop trusting you. That distances you from them even more.
When you keep giving, people get used to taking from you. After a while you may lose track of your own needs and blame other people for being selfish and taking from you.
Do you consider yourself to be a people pleaser? How do you know when you're doing it?
Are you ready to conquer your people pleasing?
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